MenWhoHeal
MenWhoHeal
A private companion for men
with eating disorders
Dr. Philippe Jacquet DProf · London
SOS Contact
Your person
One tap sends them a message when you are struggling.
Their name
Phone — WhatsApp or SMS
Or email
Message they receive
MenWhoHeal
MenWhoHeal
Daily check-in

Intensity

What is consuming you today?
Forest canopy
The eating disorder is a response to something. The food, the control, the exercise — they manage something else. Start here.
What is consuming me today?
Not what should matter. What is actually taking up space in your mind.
What am I obsessing over?
The thought that keeps coming back. The loop you cannot stop.
How many times has this thought come back today?
5–10×
10–20×
20×+
What is making me anxious today?
Anxiety level right now
Low5/10Overwhelming
How the eating disorder hurt me today
The emotional cost — not the behaviour
What did it take from you today?
What did it cost you?
Time I will never get back
Connection with someone I care about
Presence in my own life
Energy I needed for something that matters
My sense of self
A moment of pleasure or joy
Where am I right now?
Which circle best describes your state today? No judgement — just a position on the map.
Safestable, managing
Stretchchallenged, coping
Dangerstruggling, at risk
Body estrangement

My Body

Your relationship with what you live in
Your body is not the problem. But something made it feel like one. This is not about weight. It is about the war.
The body map
Tap a region to reflect on how you feel about it.
Like
Dislike
Hate
Messages I received about my body
You are too fat / you need to lose weight
You are too thin / you need to bulk up
Real men look a certain way
Your body is for performance, not pleasure
Your body was compared to others
Your body was ridiculed or mocked
Your body was never mentioned — silence
The mantras I repeat
What do you say to yourself about your body — on a loop, without even noticing?
How often per day?
5–10×
10–30×
30×+
A more accurate mantra
Something true and more complete
Not "I love my body." Something honest that recognises you are more than the part you hate.
My new mantra about my body
The one you choose
Write one that is honest, specific, and truer than the one on repeat.
How many times today will you say it?
3×
5×
10×
Needs & desires

What Do I Actually Need?

Not what I should need. What I do.
The eating disorder drowns out real needs and real desires. Name them — before the eating disorder answers for you.
My needs today
Tap what you genuinely need right now.
Restto stop, to do nothing
Connectionto be with someone
To be heardseen, understood
Safetyto feel secure
Movementnot exercise — aliveness
Silencespace, solitude
Helpnot to face this alone
Comfortwarmth, physical ease
My desires today
What do you actually want?
Not what you think you should want. What do you actually desire? Many men with eating disorders have lost touch with desire entirely.
Pleasureto enjoy something
Recognitionto be seen and valued
Intimacycloseness, contact
Ambitionto want more, to risk
Foodto actually enjoy eating
To be lovedas I am, not as I perform
How am I feeling right now?
One honest sentence. No framework.
Private space

Diary

Your voice. Completely private.
lock Stored locally on this device
Write — anything
No structure. No prompts. Yours alone.
What I want to say to my eating disorder today
Anger, exhaustion, gratitude, dependence — whatever is honest. What do you want to say to it?
What my eating disorder would say back
If it could defend itself, what would it say? Why does it believe you still need it?
The 3 Fs
Three lenses on the same thing. Tap each to reflect.
warning
Fear
What does your body feel like when you are most afraid?
What would it mean if you stopped controlling your food today?
Who taught you that your body was something to manage?
restaurant
Food
What is the first word that comes to mind when you think about eating?
Is there a food that feels dangerous to you right now?
When did food stop feeling simple?
auto_awesome
Fantasy
Describe the body you are trying to build or reach. What would that body be able to do that yours cannot?
If you had that body tomorrow — what problem would still be there?
What does the man in the fantasy actually need?
What are you afraid of today?
Not the fears you talk about. The real ones.
That I am not enough — and never will be
That people will see who I really am
That I will fail at something that matters
That I am losing control of my body or my life
That I am alone, and will remain so
That recovery means losing the one thing that works
That I wouldn't know who I am without this
Someone I could share this fear with
Previous entries
Identity

Masculinity

What does being a man mean to you?
The eating disorder and masculinity are deeply connected. What a man is supposed to be, feel, show, and hide — all of it shapes the disorder.
Do you feel masculine?
Not what you perform. What you actually feel inside.
Yesmostly
Sometimesit depends
Norarely
Who represents masculinity to you?
A father, a man you looked up to, a cultural figure, an idea.
Which quality do you most associate with being a man?
Strength
Control
Achievement
Stoicism
Protection
Vulnerability
What were you taught men don't do?
Men don't cry or show pain
Men don't ask for help
Men don't talk about how they feel
Men don't have eating disorders
Men don't need anyone
Men don't admit weakness
Men don't fail
How is your eating disorder connected to your masculinity?
What kind of man do you want to be?
The Kronos Complex

What Are You Afraid Of?

The fears your eating disorder is managing for you
Mist through forest
Kronos devoured his children out of fear of the future. In men, the eating disorder is often fear in disguise — fear of not being good enough, of failing, of not surviving scrutiny.
Tap a fear to explore it
Not being smart enough
Being seen as stupid, slow, left behind
Failing at work
Being exposed, losing status, not keeping up
Sexual or physical inadequacy
Not measuring up, decline, rejection
Physical or mental decline
Getting older, losing control, becoming less
Being seen as weak or emotional
Losing respect, being exposed
Not being loved or chosen
Abandonment, not being enough
Weekly reflection

What Food Is Replacing

What is the eating disorder pushing aside?
The eating disorder is not about food. It is a stand-in for something else. This week — what did it replace?
What did the behaviour replace this week?
Connectiontime with people
Reststopping, letting go
Angersaying no, a boundary
Desirewanting, pleasure
Griefloss, mourning
Creativitymaking, expressing
Fearsomething ahead
Ambitionwanting more, risking
The hardest moment this week
What was happening just before that?
One thing to reclaim this week
One small act — nothing to do with food. Something the eating disorder has been pushing aside.
This week in circles
Your pattern this week
The learning loop
After a slip — three questions
Not punishment. A brief review that converts experience into strategy. Fill this in after a difficult moment this week.
1
What happened?
2
Which circle was I in?
Safe → Stretch
Stretch → Danger
Already in Danger
3
What worked to return?
Return path
How to get back from here
If you are in the Danger zone, you do not need to fix everything. You need to interrupt the pattern and step down — first to Stretch, then to Safe.
warning Change your environment. Leave the room, go outside, break the loop.
restaurant Eat one safety meal. Not perfect — just enough to interrupt.
chat Tell one person what is happening. Use the SOS button if you need to.
check_circle Return to your baseline routine. You are not starting over — you are returning.
Recovery principles

The Three Circles

Progress over perfection — a map for recovery
Why progress, not perfection
The eating disorder wants all-or-nothing
When recovery is framed as purity — clean or not clean, on track or off — any slip becomes a total collapse. One bad meal becomes "I have failed." One difficult day becomes "it does not work."
This is the logic of abstinence imported into a domain where abstinence is impossible. You eat every day. Variability is guaranteed. The question is not will I slip but what do I do when I do.
A progress orientation treats every lapse as data — not as proof of failure. It asks: what happened, what was I feeling, and what can I do differently next time?
check_circle
Safe zone
Your ground
The behaviours and feelings that tell you things are stable. This is your baseline — not the absence of difficulty, but a state you can sustain.
Behaviours
Consistent meals. Following a structure. Staying in contact with supportive people. Using grounding techniques when needed.
Feelings
Calm. Present. Grounded. Able to tolerate discomfort without acting on it. A sense of "I can manage this."
trending_up
Stretch zone
Deliberate challenge
Mildly challenging situations you choose to enter. This is where growth happens — but it is bounded and recoverable. You know how to get back.
Behaviours
Introducing a feared food. Eating in a social setting. Reducing a compulsive behaviour by one step. Sitting with fullness without compensating.
Feelings
Manageable anxiety. Discomfort that does not tip into panic. A sense of "this is hard but I am choosing it."
Return to Safe
Grounding techniques. Return to meal plan. Contact a support person. Remove yourself from the triggering environment. Remind yourself: this was practice, not a test.
warning
Danger zone
Escalation
High-risk states where the eating disorder has significant momentum. The goal is not to fight — it is to step down into Stretch, then back to Safe.
Behaviours
Urge spikes. Active restriction, bingeing, or purging. Compulsive exercise. Withdrawing from all contact. Skipping meals with intent.
Feelings
Overwhelm. Numbness. Shame spirals. "I have already failed so it does not matter." Dissociation.
Step down to Stretch
Activate your contact plan — use the SOS button. Change your environment immediately. Eat one safety meal. Tell one person what is happening. You do not have to fix it — just interrupt it.
Language matters
Drop "clean" and "not clean"
Moralising language — clean eating, being good, falling off — wraps behaviour in judgement. It turns a difficult Tuesday into an identity crisis.
Instead, use state-based language: Safe, Stretch, Danger. These describe where you are — not who you are. You can move between them. None of them is permanent.
A slip is a signal, not a sentence. It tells you something about what you were feeling, what you needed, and what you can prepare for next time.
The learning loop
After every slip — three questions
This is not punishment. It is a brief, structured review that converts experience into strategy.
1
What happened? Not a judgement — a description. What was the situation, what was the trigger?
2
Which circle was I in? Were you in Stretch and it tipped over? Were you already in Danger before you realised?
3
What worked to return? What got you back? If nothing did — what might work next time?
Remember
Safety is a platform for growth — not a destination. Stretch work is purposeful and bounded. And Danger is navigable, not permanent.
You are not trying to be perfect. You are trying to get better at returning. Every time you find your way back to Safe, you build the skill that keeps you going. That is recovery.